let's do some living after we die
by hypotheticalfanfic
Summary: Some relationship issues can't be resolved until after you're dead, apparently. Remus x Sirius x Tonks in the wizard afterlife. Completed 08/15/11.
1. The End

He falls in love with Sirius as children, that first time they transformed together, with the wind blowing his shaggy hair around and his face screwed up in concentration and the faintest hints of black fur sprouting from his shoulders. And he knows, somewhere in the back of his mind where thoughts sometimes circle and prowl quietly until they decide he's ready to hear them, he knows that this is the way it will always be: he will always watch Sirius change for him, for them, and then too soon watch him change back. Sirius will never stay transfigured.

And he never does, and Remus cares desperately and couldn't give a flying fuck at the same time because it's worth it, almost all the time, for those moments when Sirius changes for him, for them, and is someone different. And sometimes it's minutes and sometimes it's hours and sometimes it's days, and for one perfect, breathtaking summer it was a season and Remus seriously considered dropping out of school and begging Sirius to just let him sleep in his bed for the rest of their lives because nothing he would ever do from that moment on would matter as much as that summer. But the time, however much it is, is worth the rest of it. Remus is fairly sure that he believes that.

And when Sirius Black…when he dies, Remus isn't surprised, not in the least, because who could have imagined Sirius as an old man? He could, of course, in his smallest tiniest most perfect dream where they are old men together pottering around the house and watching Harry's children play. But no one else, certainly not Sirius, who was probably surprised to have lived this long to begin with. And so when the arch swallowed him up, a wild laugh on his face, Remus felt something shatter within him. And when Harry broke down, Remus wanted desperately to commiserate, to tell him the truth, but some splinter of Sirius stopped him —_ I'm not gay, it's just sex, doesn't mean a goddamn thing_ — and he didn't. And he still didn't, when Dora started paying attention to him.

Remus isn't strictly gay, despite what Sirius told him over and over again. He's always been fairly equal-opportunity when it came to sex, not really preferring one set of genitals to another. The fact that the love of his life was a man was no more of a shock to him than the fact that the person he eventually married was a woman. More surprising was the way in which she seemed to hunger for him as he'd hungered for Sirius. Eventually he decided that he loved her back, mostly for her humor and life and energy and the way she smiled at everyone and gave endlessly of her love to anyone who needed it.

And so, once it happened, Remus tried to do better by her than he'd been done by. He tried to be attentive and kind and grateful and good to her. And most of the time it was good, lovely even, and then they were going to have a baby and she suggested Sirius as a name and he just. Ran away. Couldn't connect those two parts of his life. Went to Harry, begged for an escape. Got a lecture and a shaming instead, went back, told Dora that there was no way in hell he was naming a child Sirius, and they went on as before.

And then, when he saw Dora killed in the battle, when he threw himself into the fray, he wasn't sure who he was avenging. But it didn't really matter, did it, because whatever happened they'd all be dead, wouldn't they? And he'd see them again, maybe, if there was something after this. The last thoughts in Remus Lupin's mind as the life leached out of him were a picture: him and Sirius, arms around each others' waists, with Dora holding his free hand tightly; and the thought, _That would be a nice way to pass eternity._


	2. Apparently Not the End Just Yet

Remus Lupin opened his eyes. He was fairly certain he shouldn't be able to do that, but it happened anyway. There was mist and nothing else, and for a moment he thought maybe he'd simply been Stunned and left behind, covered in the fog that came off the lake sometimes. When he realized he was naked, that sort of ended that small fantasy, because he hadn't been naked when he was pretty sure he had died. In addition to the nakedness, he noticed that all of the minor injuries he'd sustained in the battle were gone. And his headache, the one he'd felt building in the back of his skull from all the noise and confusion, that was gone, too. "Ah," he said, expecting his voice to come out raspy and croaking, which it did not, "well. I suppose this is Limbo, then?" He wasn't sure who he was asking, since as far as the mist let him see, he was alone.

He stood, expecting his legs to be shaky and weak. They were not. He wished he had some clothes, and just as he'd heard in old stories, they appeared, fresh and pressed and waiting for him. It was with a wry grin that he dressed in his old Gryffindor robes, complete with the patches on the elbows from long hours bent over books (and definitely not from surprise encounters with Sirius in empty classrooms or the deserted bedroom during the middle of the day). The shoes were even a little too large, as they'd been in life, and Remus managed to laugh aloud with how perfectly his memory or whatever else was in charge of this place had copied them.

"Remus!" A hoarse voice answered his laugh, echoing in the mist.

Remus would know that voice anywhere, any time, blindfolded or ears muffled or drowning or fast asleep. He ran in its direction, praying to whatever ran this place that what he found was real and true and not a memory or a ghost or anything ghastly in its falseness. The mist obscured his path, so he didn't see the hunched form until he'd already tripped over it.

Sirius was curled, naked and seemingly terrified, and Remus couldn't stop himself for once. He pressed his lips to Sirius's, pulled their heads together, and tears dribbled down his face, blending with the tears on Sirius's cheeks. They kissed and kissed and kissed, less out of desire and more out of an unquenchable gratitude for the other. Remus knew, or at least was convinced, that this was the real Sirius and not something Limbo had dragged out of his memory. He was fairly sure (had he really though about it, which he hadn't as he was otherwise occupied) that a Sirius built from his memory wouldn't have kissed quite this way: technique changed over time, and the Sirius he was kissing now didn't kiss exactly the same way as the Sirius he had last kissed all those years ago in Godric's Hollow. That, plus a deep and sudden sureness in the very pit of his heart, made the decision for him: Sirius was real, not a figment, and was here, really kissing him.

Remus was fairly certain that time wasn't the same in Limbo, so they may have kissed for only a moment or for centuries and it would have felt the same. When at long last Sirius pulled away, his mouth red and raw and the tears having long dried salty on his face, his eyes were less haunted than Remus had seen them since graduation. "Hullo, Remus," he said with a soft smile.

"Sirius," Remus answered, hoping his voice was as calm as the other wizard's, not shaking with love and heartache and strange unreasonable joy.

"Remus?" A thin cry wandered through the mist, and Remus would know that voice almost anywhere, almost as well as he'd known Sirius's.

"Dora!" he called in the direction from which it had come. "Dora, stay there, we're coming to find you."


	3. Actually the End This Time

kissed her without thinking about it, and it felt right: one hand clutching Sirius, his lips on Dora's. It was good, it was nice. Dora had gotten dressed before he'd found her, and Sirius had managed to scrabble together some rags out of his imagination. When he broke the kiss at last, Dora's eyes caught Sirius's.

"Sirius? Wotcher!" With a grin, she dove at him and wrapped him in a fierce hug. He looked thunderstruck, and hugged her back.

"Tonks, you're here, too?" He suddenly looked shamefaced. "Er. D'you...You and Moony, then?"

"Yeah, he's my husband." She grinned over her shoulder, eyes dancing as they met Remus's.

"Well, congratulations, then, I suppose." He sulked, a teenager again, and Remus felt a flare of the desperate love he'd always felt when Sirius pouted.

"Don't be a baby, Sirius, he loves you more than he ever loved me." She said it lightly, like a joke, but the pain in her eyes told the truth.

"I don't-Dora, it's not like that." There was the rasp and the creak in his voice, the one he'd missed earlier in this timeless time. "I mean-" He looked back and forth between them. The family resemblance was faint, just touches around the eyes and a certain tilt of the chin. They were cousins, somehow, Dora'd explained it but he'd forgotten. "I love you, and I love you, too. If I could have you both, that would be. Um. That would be what I would want. But I can't, and I'm not." He shrugged ineffectually.

Sirius shot Dora a look. It was full of depth, full of things Remus couldn't understand, and it lasted forever and no time at all. They turned, then, as one, to face him.

"Sirius is gay."

"I'm not-" He broke off. "It doesn't matter."

"Anyway." Dora glared at Sirius. "The point is, Sirius is gay, and I love you, and, um. We're all here. Really here, we're not imagined." She gestured idly around the empty space. "So what does that mean?"

Remus remembers, clearly and suddenly, his last thought before dying. "I think...I think maybe it's my fault? Because I was thinking about you, and about Sirius, and about how I'd like to be with you. Both of you, I mean. Um." He loses his thought, distracted by other memories from his last few moments of life: fear, and pain, and anger, and sharp terrible joy.

They shared another look, the two of them. It was annoying, actually, because they were clearly having a conversation, and Remus is no Legilimens. "What are you talking about?" He sounds like he's whinging, which is not fair at all, but it doesn't seem to matter because they just ignore him and continue talking silently.

Eventually, Sirius turned to him. "Dora thinks," but he was interrupted.

"I think we should try it. A relationship. The three of us."

Remus's eyes boggled. "You want to have a-" he choked on the word, "a threesome?"

Dora looked thoughtful. "Not right away, no. I'd rather wait for a while, until we get a handle on this whole thing. But eventually, maybe, why not?"

He was, as should be evident, incredibly confused. "But. Um."

"Moony, it's fine. Dora's, well," a soft sound like he was gasping. "If I wanted women, I'd want Dora. Or someone like her." He looked almost normal, for the first time in years, and Remus unconsciously reached for his hand.

Dora took his other hand, and Sirius's as well. They stood in a circle, hands joined in the silent void. "Remus, it's good. It'll be good. Don't you think?"

He looked at their hands, at the way they fit together. Sirius's face was open and soft, the way it was once upon a time when they were young and stupid and happy. Dora was not smiling, exactly, but she looked relaxed and calm. There was no doubt on her face, no fear in her eyes. That's what sealed it, in the end: Dora, strong and sweet and true.

"I think so. Maybe. Sirius?"

"Yeah, all right." He smiled, ducking his head bashfully. "I'm in."

"Me too."

"And me."

Dora loosed Sirius's hand and they strode, a straight line, into whatever came next.


End file.
